My Surrendering

Glimpse of what surrendering looks like for me today.

1/29/20242 min leer

The Idea of Surrender

Today I woke up with this idea of surrender. A few days ago I had this urge feeling of guilt or more like fault. I was driving on the freeway and had my partner and friends as my passengers. While we were chit chatting I got a bit distracted, which obviously you can already see where this is going. The cars ahead of me halted abruptly and because I was distracted, I hit the break later than I should have but none of my passengers noticed too much. However, my body clenched with fear and not because of the car crash but because of the thought I had of "not my fault" and this feeling of guilt and shame. At first, as I have trained myself to do before, brushed it away, but then gave myself this utter compassion and words of "I love you" that got me to jolted, no pun intended, from feeding into this guilt and shame. As I explored this feeling using the RAIN method, a very useful tool to explore feelings and thoughts, I realized that I have always had a feeling of guilt and defensiveness when accidents happen or when I believe they are going to occur. I quickly told myself, besides the "I love you", that accidents happen and that it isn't my fault. This gave me the power to talk to my inner child and listen to what he had to say about it. It was such a beautiful moment that I am realizing is helping me heal things since then. That is why surrendering is very important. Letting go of expectations of yourself, others and situations is vital. Letting things unfold as you go and even learning from your past in a way that is so loving and compassionate. I want to let you all know that surrendering is possible even after trauma; scary as f*ck but available to you. Natalie Taylor has a beautiful song called Surrender and I invite ya'll to take a listen and give yourself the space to surrender to what life has to offer.... you are worthy of it, I just know it.